I am sure everyone knows what hiccups are? Well the literal meaning differs from the meaning in context here in this blog post. Now it is very clear that when you try to work things out during your post divorce, you will obviously have some unsuccessful moments. Things will not go always the way you want them to. In fact if you are the only person trying to get your wife back then you may have more of unsuccessful tries than the successful ones.
Now in my last post you might have seen the little efforts I made to move on with my kids and my ex-wife. I hope you understood the difference of moving on, trying to get my wife back, and moving on with no thought of getting back together. So now we are clear that I so wanted to get my wife back. I really tried very hard. Sometimes I felt like I was trying too hard.
What happens when you try for something too hard? Well have you heard the saying “when you try to grasp more and more sand in your fist, all it does is slip out the other end of your fist.” It is the same thing. The desperation to get your wife back, has to be in check when you actually try. She doesn’t need to know that you are desperate. She just needs to know that she means so much to you, that you are trying to change the negatives in you for her, even after a divorce.
So what happened with me was, you know that I was allowed to legally meet my kids on the weekends. So I took off on the Saturday from my work and spent the whole 2 days with them. They loved it. We had a lot of fun together. I think this post divorce time in my life got me to realize that fatherhood can be really fun and also a great learning experience for both the kids and the father. So one weekend, when my kids came to my house, I asked my ex, that night, if they could stay with me the whole week. Well it is obvious what her reaction would be. Lately she had been feeling a bit left out sorts when my kids and I used to have fun. She had started getting a bit possessive about them. And I also had the law against me. Also that there might have been something at work that was troubling her.
So the question, ” Can you let the kids stay with me for this week?” brought in the biggest hiccup in the tries to get my wife back. What happened was that she did have some sort of tensed situation at work, so obviously mentally, she wasn’t ready for my question. She fired back literally. She said that yes, I had tried hard to show my love and care for the kids, and that I had been a good father, moreover after divorce, but it didn’t change the pain I had caused her. She said that legally nor mentally for her, was it possible to let the kids stay with me a whole week. She also said that if I was trying to take the kids away from her.
Now, really, I had no such intentions. I knew that after me, it was the kids that she dearly cared and loved. So I wasn’t thinking of snatching the kids away. So I asked her to calm down and then the next 3 weekends I couldn’t spend time with my kids. She shifted for 3 weeks as her apartment was under renovation. It really scared me. A doubt was born in me. I started fearing the possibility of losing my ex wife forever. I didn’t know and want my efforts to back fire this way. It was really heart drenching to see how she took my greed to spend time with my own kids. She took it as a plan to snatch them from her.
This is just one example. There was another incident very soon after she returned from her 3 week disappearance. I was busy playing with my daughter, May. I was telling my daughter something nice about her mother (my ex wife) and my ex wife heard it. After my daughter, May, was satisfied with the time she spent with me, she went in to finish her homework. This time, my ex wife came in with 2 cups of tea and she asked me if I was doing all this only to get back with her. This scared me even more. I was baffelled, because yes, I was trying to get my wife back, but it didn’t certainly mean that all those moments and feelings I was sharing with my children were all a set up. I was getting closer to them because I didn’t want our children to suffer because of our decisions.
I didn’t know why she came up to me and asked me such a question. So what I did was I made a her feel a bit guilty for saying whatever she did. I answered her question and I said that I was in love with my kids and that is the only reason I was spending so much of time with them. I also told her that even though we weren’t together, I cared for her. I told her that I had a lot of respect for the love that was between us. I also told her that I did not have no hard feelings about the separation and that it was time that she saw my efforts to be a good person. That is exactly what I wanted her to see.
The next thing I had to do after all that I said was, wait. I said all that in a very emotional and vulnerable state. And this time I didn’t want it to bounce back at me like the past 2 times. So all I did was keep a bit of a distance from the children, which was surely very hard for me, as we had really started bonding too well. I kept my distance. I didn’t answer any calls, neither did I make any efforts to call my ex and talk to her. I did want to get my wife back, but it didn’t mean that I have to accept false blames, sacrifice my self-respect. Patience was important. I was shocked and also surprised to see this work.
She came to me and she said that she was sorry about the whole thing. She said sorry for both the above stated incidents. This was a shocker ofcourse, but I was calm. She said that she didn’t like that I felt so bad in spite of doing so much to see the kids happy. And she actually allowed me to have the kids over for a whole week. Secretly I was wishing she said that even she would be there, but I didn’t really open my mouth there.
So let me end what I am trying to teach or tell you here. I am saying that getting back to your ex is not a smooth road. Also, it is not a road where you will definitely fail. You will not fail if you try honestly. Honesty and truthfulness is going to definitely show positive results. Also you have to use your mind in the correct direction. To use your mind in the correct direction, you really have to be guided the right way. This is because once you are guided the right way by the right people.
How do you know who are the right people to take guidance from? Well the guidance can come from anywhere. The whole Internet is full of guidances and Advices. If you have been looking for help, and you really need a place where you can get genuine help, then here is one place where I can personally guarantee that you will get the correct results, advice and guidance. You can visit the Secrets Of Making Up site at http://MakingUpToday.com/
Here you will get 2 books that will really take you by your hand and guide you. You will get a lot more, and in different payment options. So do take a look there.
I hope that you have related to this post of mine. I tried to show how you will face little bumps in the way of trying to get you wife back.
Thank you for reading, feel free to leave positive or negative comments…:)