Post Divorce…The Sunrise
Many people I see on the Internet have written about after math effects of a break-up. And I am so sure that many people put a break-up and divorce at the same level. But I would surely beg to differ from those who think they are the same level of pain. Well marriage and a lover relationship vary. There is a difference. Marriage is the union of souls according to me. You love a person a bit too much and you get ready to commit to the person whole heartedly. You try and provide mental, financial, emotional and physical support and love to your wife/husband. Now I am not saying these aspects namely, mental, emotional, physical and financial can not exist between lovers. I am just saying that they exist acceptably in a marriage.
Now I am making the distinction clear because I have had situations of post break-up and post divorce. There is a notable difference. I loved my ex wife and I had a keen urge to get my wife back. But then just after the divorce, it was too much to wish for. I was going through what every man in love goes through after his divorce. The sweet memories start playing up in your mind. You can’t do anything because just literally anything you do, reminds you of your loving ex wife. It was more painful and disturbing mentally.
I had said that I put all my mind and time in my new business. But it wasn’t working. My mind always was wandering. I would just randomly start thinking about my children. I would think if they actually ask their mother about me. I would think about her answers to them. I knew my ex wife wasn’t the sorts who would get into a possible rebound relationship to forget me. We had lot of sweet memories to let such a thing insult our love. Someone can point out that what more is an insult than a divorce. But then it was a hasty step from both of us individually. The decision was hers and I was the cause. Both were hasty. And it just caused something, I was so sure, both repented.
But now what could I do. 3 months passed by and my sister told me that my ex started practicing law and was now working in a firm to support our kids. This reminded me of the time when she was expecting our first child, my daughter. She had told me ” honey, I want to be a good mother to our kids, I am not going to work now because once they are born they will need me and there is no better happiness than loving and taking care of our children!” I remember that coming from her. It felt like a kick in my heart when my sister told me that now her plan changed from what she actually said to me.
I couldn’t blame her. But then came the sunrise. I started caring for my separated family in a different way. I started sending a few gifts for my children along with the alimony that I was regulated to send my ex wife. I had a whole new spirit in my business. I wanted to work for them. I wanted to work for my ex wife and children. Many might think I am crazy but I really wanted to. After all the divorce was due to me. I somewhere still thought I could get my wife back. Stupid as you may call me but that feeling, that thought to get my wife back never left my mind even during the post divorce period.
I did have a lot of anger in me due to her hasty decision of divorce. But I had no one else to blame but me, myself. So in stead of blaming her or myself, I decided to do something about it. I started reading post divorce articles and newsletters in my spare time. It gave me some sort of peace as I learned that I am not the only one facing such a painful separation. There were others like me who had a divorce and they still loved their ex wife, they loved their children and they surely wanted to get their wife back no matter how impossible it seemed.
5 months passed by. I kept reading more of advanced psychology books explaining the psyche of a man and that of a woman. It explained a lot to me about the problems me and my ex wife faced before our divorce. It is advisable to start understanding and accepting our mistakes than to sit back and blame the opposite person. Nothing can be achieved by blaming someone for something that cannot be reversed. I bought some interesting books and also audio books.
The whole of Internet was full of relationship rescue “schemes”. But certainly, I didn’t want to be a part of a scheme. I wanted true help that would soothe my mental restlessness. I wanted help to either move on, or to repair the damage I had done to my marriage which was already long gone by. But to be honest, I have repeatedly said that I wanted to get my wife back, but more of, I wanted to get back to my wife. There is a difference. I believe I missed her more than she missed me. This was because I knew that the amount I had hurt her, it was doubtful that she was considering getting back with me. Any woman with so much of self respect, would do the same as she did, move on. But I couldn’t manage to do what she was doing, moving on.
The guilt within me helped me to realize that I loved her more than anyone else. And I certainly wanted to get back together. So I started reading self-help books with the thought in mind that I DID want to get my wife back. There was no second thought. I told myself that it did not matter if she wasn’t considering it. I had to repair the damages myself. I had to work and make better the mistakes I made. I had to show my ex wife that I still loved her, and that I could work on myself, I could make myself a better person with the hope of getting back together with her. I surely had no other intention in my mind. I wasn’t ready to compromise. I had no second thought. Some people become obsessive after divorce or break-up, but my feelings were not obsession, my feelings were pure love, regret, and more than anything else the realization that IT WAS MY MISTAKE.
Ego. That stood in my way for a long time. It was the obstacle in my efforts to make a move in getting back together. But the amount of true help I got from the Internet was commendable. I will also surely point a fact out that everything on the Internet is not genuine. As much as true help exists on the Internet, there exist scams and false promising programs. I would like you to be well aware of them and not waste your time or get cheated by them at such a painful stage in life. I will surely write about what all me and my ex wife then went through. Just realized that this has gotten too long to actually continue. I don’t want to irritate readers by writing so long. So wait for what was my next step to get my wife back. Remember one thing, if you have had a break-up or a divorce, but you still love your ex, doesn’t matter if you are a male or a female, if you do truly love your ex, then there is nothing in the world that can stop you from getting back together. My experience speaks for me here.
- The first step to take if you really wish to get back to your ex, is to analyze your mistakes. Put the devil of ego away. It will ruin all your efforts. Try to learn more about the psyche of the opposite sex. You have to know how your ex thinks and why they think that way. Till the time you don’t understand their psyche, till the time you don’t openly accept your mistakes, till the time you are not yet ready to correct your mistakes, you can never get back with your ex, and neither can you ever be successful in love. You will just be fooling yourself.
- After you learn your mistakes and are ready to correct them, it is important to get rid of all the hard feelings from your break-up or divorce. It is not worth to try getting back to your ex if you don’t forget or at least try to forget the bad memories that caused your divorce or break-up. Forget and forgive is a must when trying to get back to your ex. This is the lesson I learned and that was my second step. The first one is as you know given in the above point.
I would like you to visit the site http://makinguptoday.com/ Here you will find some interesting true help books and audios for real affordable and reasonable prices.
The rest of my post divorce I will narrate in my next post. I hope you learn and relate to this post of mine. Every person has been through painful break-ups and some might have also faced the painful divorce. So I am not the only one who has gone through this painful saga.
Thank you for reading, and feel free to leave your comments, I’d appreciate that. 🙂