Post Divorce…The Light
Well in this post I am going to let out certain things I had done when I started off on the agenda to get my wife back. If you have read my last post, “Post Divorce…The Sunrise” you know that this talks about the post divorce period too. But here I am going to tell you that neither moving on, or trying to get your wife back, is easy a task. You need to work real hard. Sometimes in striving to get back together, you may seem so helpless, you might start feeling that probably you shouldn’t try. But the key to getting your ex wife or ex back is patience.
Love is the subject of heart. I know that part. But did you know that getting back together is the subject of the mind? You will see thousands of people writing about “how to get back to your ex” or “does your ex still love you”. But what I hate about all of these writers is that none of them have actually won their ex back. They have never tried what they are writing themselves. That is the reason I call the relationship saving programs a huge “scheme”. Don’t get fooled like I got.
First thing that you have to note is that the help that Internet offered in this subject of “getting your ex back”, is all but advice, books, self-help books and etc. They are all trying to make money there. This is really sad. They know that there are people who are looking to get back to their ex and they want to manipulate those searchers on the Internet. I have seen it myself so I am just warning you. You may have come across many such article and affiliate marketers. I just wanted to warn you, that hardly some of them might have actually used the ebook or audio book they are promoting.
Now when I searched the Internet for help through books and audios, or even videos, I too got fooled. I reached many so called relationship advice sites, relationship help sites, ‘get your ex back’ sites. I was desperate. I read many articles, and I am being honest. I am being honest that I got fooled several times. But once bitten twice shy? Have you heard that? Well its only because I got cheated by marketers on the Internet that I finally reached the sites offering real time and genuine help.
Now if you want to know what I am talking about, I reckon you should visit this lad at http://makinguptoday.com/
Now what I found out was that all these relationship help books underline the basic subject of advanced human psychology. They all talk about understanding the thought process of the opposite person. This really helped me. When I first read about it, I asked myself “Is it really true? Does it actually work?” Well I couldn’t get my answers till I applied the psychology techniques in real time. That is exactly what I did. I told my ex that I wanted to see the kids, and it was a Friday. I was not allowed to see my own kids on weekdays, but I spoke to her very sweetly and in a very gentle tone and she actually said yes.
I went over and I played with the children, I gave them chocolates, and I sat there, had tea in the evening and the children asked me if I was going to stay back. They asked my ex wife if she would allow me to stay back. It was so painful to see them ask her that. But then I didn’t want to take any hasty steps yet again. I promised to take them out the next day and promised to help them in their homework on the day that followed.
I did this every weekend for 4 to 5 weeks that followed. My ex wife and I started talking about the kids on the phone, and sooner than later, I saw us becoming somewhat like friends. We never spoke about our selves though. All we did was talk about the kids. Then after the 5th weekend of this routine, I changed my plan a bit. I moved on to the next step in the book I was following. I called my ex and I said “Zeba, there is this movie and its about parenting, I would really like to watch it with you.” And she first said no. I called her again and tried, and yet no success. I was disappointed. But 3 days later, she left a message on my answering machine, agreeing to watch the movie on the coming Friday night. And I couldn’t do anything but jump with happiness.
Now I am not saying that you should do the same thing. I want you to look at it deeper. What I mean is that, you read read the above paragraph. What did I do? I knew how my ex wife thinks. And I knew how much we both love our children. So I started openly showing love and care for the children. She appreciated it. And she started seeing that I am moving on, but not moving to another person. She saw the feelings because I made them open for her to see. I didn’t go on parties with other women and hurt her, make her feel jealous. That could have worked if didn’t have kids, but the kids, yes became the reason we were ready to watch a movie together even though we were divorced. It is not such a great achievement, but yes such things do make a difference.
Your ex has to see the positive moving on. I was moving on, but I didn’t drift my ways from her or our children. And neither was I stalking her, and behave obsessive and ruin the remaining chances of getting back together. After the movie, I attended the open day in my kids’ school with my ex wife. She saw that I was working to make the kids happy. I had never done that previously, as I was too busy in my work, and even if I had the time, kids were not my priority. I was never able to understand fatherhood the way I did during the post divorce period.
Now this was a lesson from advanced psychology. It talks about you predicting your ex’s actions and reactions to something you do. Obviously if you have had a divorce and you do what I did, you may not get the same results, but what I am trying to say is that you can also read the correct books to guide you through, and you can apply those lessons. The weekends with kids, the movie with ex, the open day at kids’ school are just examples. What I tried to explain was that I was moving on, but along with my kids, and my ex wife. I never excluded them from anything that I did to move on. I called them over when I bought my new apartment which had a lovely room for the kids. This plunged my ex wife’s heart. She saw that I loved the kids more than ever before.
So basically from the right book, I created examples like the above. I worked on the broken relationship, in stead of just living and moving AWAY. Yes, I agree I moved on, but I didn’t move away. I was there. Everyday I spoke to my ex, and slowly she did start opening about her own day at work. We were becoming friends again. It was a big step.
Now if you have had a divorce, I don’t suggest you to do the same as I did. Neither am I saying I was great in what I did. Certain steps that I took didn’t work as I thought. I did face failures. But yes, when you are trying to get back to your ex, you do need to be sure of two things. :-
- You should have no second thought. You can not think about what will happen if you are not successful in getting your ex back. You have to be positive, but yes, not obsessive.
- You have to show your ex the positive changes you have made in yourself openly. She needs to see them. She needs to see you are improving on yourself. Don’t be mean. Don’t misunderstand moving on and moving away.
Remember, moving away is moving on without the thought of getting back together with your ex. Then you change your city, move away, try not to think about your past and you painful relationship. But if you have decided for sure about getting back together, then you have to move on. Move on in a positive direction, WITH your ex and your kids if you have any. Note, that situations in my case might differ from yours. There are right guides available like the ones I read and got my help from. I can suggest the Secret Of Making Up System, that I saw lately on the Internet and it is just what you need at a very affordable price range. You get the maximum at the minimum cost.
If you haven’t had a divorce, but your marriage does seem like in trouble, I still suggest the same, Secrets Of Making Up System. Hope I am able to help you. Will be writing about the real advancements me and my ex wife made which caused me to get my wife back.
Thank you for reading, do leave your comments 🙂