Pre-Divorce– Mistake Of Avoiding Marriage Counseling

I am sure everyone understands what pre divorce means. That is the term I use for the time period in my life where me and my wife just used to have all the possible marital problems. Having been in army, spending time with family was always a rare sight. I had always neglected my family. I couldn’t be there when my wife, Zeba gave birth to our second child. I saw my son 1 year after his birth. I am sure many women who read this will want to kick me. Well, when I quit service with increasing tension back at home, me and wife used to quarrel and fight over little things. It was a difficult sight for all our friends. They would suggest us to go to marriage counseling.

I was always a person who had huge ego issues. That was a major problem in considering marriage counseling. With two kids and me fighting, my wife was in a very difficult place. You will be shocked and hate me for this but I quit military because I suspected my wife to be having an affair with a guy younger than her. I was always the possessive and protective types. But didn’t see myself becoming this suspicious person. My wife, if you will see, is perhaps the most loyal person in the world. Today when I think of the time when I suspected her, I feel like whipping myself. But nothing can be done about that time, but yes, I can surely not let it happen again now.

The time when she learned that the soul reason for me leaving military was the suspicion, she couldn’t take it. It was an insult to her, and or marriage was on the rocks. We would fight everyday. She had even barred me from touching her, even if it was by mistake. It was a very very bad scene for me. We had always been very open about showing love to each other. But this was the time we were just showing frustration and anger to each other. Everyday, she would end up saying “my father was right, I shouldn’t have gotten married to you!” It was so hurtful to hear it from the woman I so loved. Every night at dinner we would fight as our baby son wouldn’t let her eat and sleep, and she would say “Wow! I am taking care of kids, your kids and this is what I get!”

There was no one reason for our fights. We fought for every tiny little thing. I started it by openly suspecting her. It was an insult to her, and she left no small opportunity to insult me. We would sleep on different beds. I slept with my little daughter and she with my son. I thoughtlessly blamed my tiny son for it. I behaved mean with the little one. When I look back at that time I always end up having tears in my eyes for having behaved so irrational with my wife.

The distance between the two of us kept growing with every passing day. Having quit military, I couldn’t find a decent paying new job. Our savings were in trouble, all because of my stupid mind. It was very hurtful to see what I had become due to my insecurities. The pain I was putting my wife through all this, was just very disturbing. I don’t know if I am able to explain it right here, but you know how it is. You know how these fights are. They are baseless, they can and should be avoided, and one has to try and get back the relationship to sanity. But neither of us was doing that.

The time came she left my house with our kids and she went over to her uncle’s house. I started drinking every night. In the drunk state called her up and abused and said all the nasty things in the world. She got out of the house, so that the distance could teach me a lesson. I couldn’t take her for granted no longer. Just because she was the mother of my kids, didn’t make her my slave. It was very disturbing to learn how much I hurt her by my behavior. I knew back then itself that it was hurting, but I don’t know what came up to my mind that I couldn’t stop it. It stopped though. On the 15th of March 2007, it all stopped.

I got a notice from the law court saying that my wife, my wife wanted to divorce me and I had to pay a huge alimony and also a lot of other financial aspects attached. I couldn’t believe it. That was the day, when I realized what I put her through. She claimed that I was mentally unstable. I realized why she said it. She also claimed to the court that I verbally and physically had hurt her. It was true, I did raise my hand a couple of times. So the law was by her side. And I was shattered the day on the porch of my house, with the notice in my hand.

A thought passed my mind that I could possibly never get my wife back in my arms. I called her several times, but she refused to have any word with me. She was a lawyer herself so she knew what exactly she wanted. That was a very difficult time for me as I still loved my wife and I wanted to get my wife back, but my deeds didn’t approve it. It was the beginning of the most painful period of time both of us have lived through. I started it. And you will know who ended it.

Thank you for reading, feel free to comment 🙂

Eddy Bowne

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