Painful Separation

7th April 2007

No sane person would be happy looking at a married couple separating. My friends, family and all the others who knew me and my wife, tried to stop us from separating. There were many reasons why separation could have been avoided and many reasons why it couldn’t have been. The biggest and the most valid reason for not separating was our kids. We both loved the kids, and I know that no matter how irrational I behaved on the outside, I loved them more than anyone else in my life.

But as I told you, she was a lawyer, and she had her mind set on our painful separation. She was hell bent on getting a divorce, and I knew that nothing was going to change her mind. She was obviously disgusted by my behavior, by my thinking and by living such a non-peaceful life with me, being my wife, where I couldn’t even give her my trust.

She was right, and I convinced myself with great difficulty. All our friends, and family, were present there. I can never forget the look in her father’s eyes. He was looking as if he would have killed me if we weren’t in the court room. And I wasn’t defending my case. The month she was away from me, I realized that perhaps I don’t deserve her. I accepted all her claims and I gave her a divorce. More than anything else, she had just once said that divorcing me would have been happier than making up for all my irrational and hurtful behavior.

7 th April 2007, we were declared as separated and we went our own ways. I was allowed to meet the kids on the weekends, and I was asked to not go near my now ex wife. It was so painful. The decision of the court was harsh on me. I spent a lot of time wasting my life away. I missed her. The only thing that was going through my mind was ” how I wish I could go back in time and change my behavior, and take back all my false blames on her…” This was the only thing I wanted to do and that would have certainly help me get my wife back. But it wasn’t possible and my EX wife didn’t really want to see my face nor hear my voice. The only thing good I managed to do was, I found myself something good and dependable sorts financially. I started my own Internet business that would serve me with some income every month and I could pay my EX wife all the alimony she claimed and was granted in the divorce.

Doesn’t that seem painful? Yes it was very painful. I never knew a person’s mind can be so devastating. The person here was me. My mind it was that caused us to separate and live our own lives. But I had no one that I could go tell that I still wanted to get my wife back, as everyone by now believed I was in the wrong. So the only thing to divert my mind off the pain was my new business. But every night I prayed and prayed and hoped that one day, my EX wife would know that I still and will always love her. But more than that I apologized to her in my mind every little opportunity I got. My marriage ended on 7th of April 2007, and I can never forget that day. I lost the most loving person in my life, because of my own stupidity.

Well the fact remains though that every day many couples get divorced, and they don’t even know if they could stop the divorce. Stopping divorce is always saner than divorce itself. I believe that the pain I went through, many people go through it every single day, so I am no great person to having sustained that. But only if these people too feel the same pain I did, and they want to stop the divorce, or get back together, they should positively consider it.

Thank you for reading, feel free to comment 🙂

Eddy Bowne


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