Yet again it comes up, doesn’t it. Moving on. Well after trying really hard to get my wife back, I felt I really did move on. I was just reading some article today, and I knew that I just had to come here and type in my story, further. Look, you have seen the examples where I tried. You saw examples where I succeeded, you also saw where I wasn’t successful. This is the story of life, something works, and something doesn’t. Along with this short story of life, there is just one moral that fits in. The moral of the story of life is Hope. When there is hope, there can’t be no despair.
I was trying hard. A year passed since my divorce, and I was still trying hard to get my wife back. Many a times I felt stupid as I could see only I was keen on getting back together. Though I didn’t give up, it was saddening to know that my ex wife wasn’t thinking that way, at least thats what I thought. So now after a year, and nearly more than 6 months of trying to move on with my life, I tasted a bit of happiness that came my way. My ex wife told me that my kids would stay with me one whole week, even though I did spend the weekend with them. Now June, 2008, she called me up and she said, “I am going to my parents’ house, I can’t take the kids out of the city, they have their school thing, can they stay with you this whole week? ” And of course they could stay with me the whole week. I jumped on my couch and I told my ex wife that I would come and pick them up, to which she said “oh no, no, I will come and drop them by.” And I agreed to whatever she said.
I am sure everyone knows what hiccups are? Well the literal meaning differs from the meaning in context here in this blog post. Now it is very clear that when you try to work things out during your post divorce, you will obviously have some unsuccessful moments. Things will not go always the way you want them to. In fact if you are the only person trying to get your wife back then you may have more of unsuccessful tries than the successful ones.
Now in my last post you might have seen the little efforts I made to move on with my kids and my ex-wife. I hope you understood the difference of moving on, trying to get my wife back, and moving on with no thought of getting back together. So now we are clear that I so wanted to get my wife back. I really tried very hard. Sometimes I felt like I was trying too hard.
Well in this post I am going to let out certain things I had done when I started off on the agenda to get my wife back. If you have read my last post, “Post Divorce…The Sunrise” you know that this talks about the post divorce period too. But here I am going to tell you that neither moving on, or trying to get your wife back, is easy a task. You need to work real hard. Sometimes in striving to get back together, you may seem so helpless, you might start feeling that probably you shouldn’t try. But the key to getting your ex wife or ex back is patience.
Many people I see on the Internet have written about after math effects of a break-up. And I am so sure that many people put a break-up and divorce at the same level. But I would surely beg to differ from those who think they are the same level of pain. Well marriage and a lover relationship vary. There is a difference. Marriage is the union of souls according to me. You love a person a bit too much and you get ready to commit to the person whole heartedly. You try and provide mental, financial, emotional and physical support and love to your wife/husband. Now I am not saying these aspects namely, mental, emotional, physical and financial can not exist between lovers. I am just saying that they exist acceptably in a marriage.
Now I am making the distinction clear because I have had situations of post break-up and post divorce. There is a notable difference. I loved my ex wife and I had a keen urge to get my wife back. But then just after the divorce, it was too much to wish for. I was going through what every man in love goes through after his divorce. The sweet memories start playing up in your mind. You can’t do anything because just literally anything you do, reminds you of your loving ex wife. It was more painful and disturbing mentally.
No sane person would be happy looking at a married couple separating. My friends, family and all the others who knew me and my wife, tried to stop us from separating. There were many reasons why separation could have been avoided and many reasons why it couldn’t have been. The biggest and the most valid reason for not separating was our kids. We both loved the kids, and I know that no matter how irrational I behaved on the outside, I loved them more than anyone else in my life.
But as I told you, she was a lawyer, and she had her mind set on our painful separation. She was hell bent on getting a divorce, and I knew that nothing was going to change her mind. She was obviously disgusted by my behavior, by my thinking and by living such a non-peaceful life with me, being my wife, where I couldn’t even give her my trust.
She was right, and I convinced myself with great difficulty. All our friends, and family, were present there. I can never forget the look in her father’s eyes. He was looking as if he would have killed me if we weren’t in the court room. And I wasn’t defending my case. The month she was away from me, I realized that perhaps I don’t deserve her. I accepted all her claims and I gave her a divorce. More than anything else, she had just once said that divorcing me would have been happier than making up for all my irrational and hurtful behavior.
I am sure everyone understands what pre divorce means. That is the term I use for the time period in my life where me and my wife just used to have all the possible marital problems. Having been in army, spending time with family was always a rare sight. I had always neglected my family. I couldn’t be there when my wife, Zeba gave birth to our second child. I saw my son 1 year after his birth. I am sure many women who read this will want to kick me. Well, when I quit service with increasing tension back at home, me and wife used to quarrel and fight over little things. It was a difficult sight for all our friends. They would suggest us to go to marriage counseling.
I was always a person who had huge ego issues. That was a major problem in considering marriage counseling. With two kids and me fighting, my wife was in a very difficult place. You will be shocked and hate me for this but I quit military because I suspected my wife to be having an affair with a guy younger than her. I was always the possessive and protective types. But didn’t see myself becoming this suspicious person. My wife, if you will see, is perhaps the most loyal person in the world. Today when I think of the time when I suspected her, I feel like whipping myself. But nothing can be done about that time, but yes, I can surely not let it happen again now.